The 10 Stages of Marketing Your Book

(A Totally Serious, Extremely Scientific Breakdown) 

1. The “I’ll Just Post Once” Delusion

You tell yourself you’ll make one simple announcement and the world will magically discover your book. You believe this for all of six minutes.

2. The Social Media Spiral

You’ve established your brand. You start posting. Then you post more. And more. You’re making reels, carousels, behind‑the‑scenes videos, and debating whether your cat counts as “brand‑relevant content.”

3. The “I Need a Newsletter” Panic

You decide you need a newsletter because “all real authors have one.” You spend three hours choosing a font and five minutes writing the actual email.

4. The Hashtag Identity Crisis

You try to pick hashtags that make you look professional but not desperate. You wonder if #amwriting is still cool or if it’s the literary equivalent of wearing skinny jeans.

5. The “Maybe I Should Run Ads” Temptation

You consider running ads. You watch three tutorials. You still have no idea what you’re doing. You close your laptop and eat a snack.

6. The Review Refresh Marathon

You check for new reviews. Then again. And again. You pretend you’re not emotionally dependent on strangers’ opinions, but your browser history says otherwise.

7. The “I Should Do an Event” Ambition

You decide to host a launch party, livestream, Q&A, or bookstore signing. When you realize this requires talking to humans, you reconsider everything in your life.

8. The Merch Madness

You think about bookmarks, stickers, mugs, tote bags, enamel pins, and possibly a life‑size cardboard cutout of your protagonist. You do not have the budget for this.

9. The Existential Sales Check

You check your sales dashboard. You celebrate one sale like you won a national award. You refresh again. Still one sale. Then, miraculously, two sales. You’re on your way to stardom!

10. The “I’m Doing My Best” Acceptance

You realize marketing is basically shouting lovingly into the void and hoping the void buys your book. You keep going anyway because you believe in your story, and because you’re already too far in to stop now.