One of the unexpected joys of being an author is getting to pop into your readers’ inboxes each month like a friendly little book fairy. It’s delightful…right up until you sit down to write the thing and realize you now have to conjure up something your readers will actually want to read. Suddenly the “fun” part starts sweating.
The Stages of Writing a Newsletter
(A Totally Serious,
Extremely Scientific Breakdown)
1. The “I Have Nothing to Say”
Denial
You open a blank document and
immediately forget every interesting thought you’ve ever had. You briefly
consider writing about your breakfast, then decide your subscribers deserve
better. Probably.
2. The Sudden Flood of Ideas
Out of nowhere, your brain
delivers seventeen topics at once. You jot them all down, feeling like a
creative powerhouse, then realize none of them actually connect to each other
in any logical way.
3. The Overly Ambitious Draft
You start writing one section,
then another, then another. Before you know it, you’ve accidentally written a
manifesto, three mini‑essays, and a rant about something that nobody cares
about.
4. The Ruthless Cutting Phase
You delete a paragraph. Then
another paragraph. Then you wonder if you should delete the whole thing and
start over. You resist. Barely.
5. The Formatting Meltdown
You spend an unreasonable amount
of time adjusting headers, spacing, bullet points, and that one paragraph that
refuses to align like the others.
6. The “Is This Funny or Just
Unhinged?” Read‑Through
You reread your draft and can’t
tell if it’s charmingly quirky or the written equivalent of a raccoon on
espresso. You decide to trust the chaos.
7. The Proofreading Spiral
You fix a typo. Then another.
Then you find a sentence that makes no sense. Then you rewrite the entire
intro. Then you find another typo. Time becomes a spiraling circle.
8. The Terrifying Send Button
You hover over “Send” like it’s a
self‑destruct switch. You finally click it, then immediately consider hiding under
the bed.
9. The Refresh Frenzy
You check your open rate. Then
your click rate. Then your unsubscribe count. Then you check again. And again.
And again. You pretend you’re not emotionally invested, but you absolutely are.
10. The “Next Time Will Be
Easier” Lie
You promise yourself you’ll start
the next issue early, plan ahead, and be organized. You won’t. But it’s cute
that you think that.
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